The other day, I was driving down Glenwood Avenue when something caught my attention. A car pulled up in front of me with a personalized license plate that read: ALWAYS LATE.
I chuckled at first. Then I started thinking.
Out of all the things you could put on a license plate, why would you choose that? Why would you spend extra money to broadcast that message to complete strangers?
Maybe it was meant to be funny. Maybe it was an inside joke. Maybe it was someone making light of a habit they have struggled with for years. Whatever the reason, the therapist and coach in me could not let it go.
As I continued driving, I found myself thinking less about the driver and more about the label. Not the label on the car. The labels we place on ourselves.
IDENTITY VS. BEHAVIOR: THE DANGER OF TURNING A STRUGGLE INTO WHO YOU ARE
Over the years, I have heard people describe themselves in all kinds of ways:
- “I’m terrible with money.”
- “I’ve always been disorganized.”
- “I’m just an anxious person.”
- “I can’t stick with anything.”p
- “I’m an overthinker.”
Most people say these things without giving them much thought. The words roll off their tongues so naturally that they hardly notice them anymore. What caught my attention about that license plate is that it took something a person does and turned it into who they are.
Being late is a behavior. “Always Late” sounds like an identity. That’s a big difference.
As a therapist and HIScoach, I’ve noticed that people often become loyal to labels that no longer serve them. Sometimes those labels were spoken over them years ago. Sometimes they grew out of painful experiences. Sometimes they developed after repeating the same statement so many times that it eventually felt true.
The danger comes when a struggle becomes an identity. There is a difference between saying, “I struggle with being on time” and saying, “I’m always late.” One describes a challenge; the other sounds permanent. One leaves room for growth; the other quietly closes the door on change.
HOW NEGATIVE LABELS BLUR THE LINE BETWEEN STRUGGLE AND IDENTITY
Words have a way of shaping our reality. The labels we accept and the stories we repeatedly tell ourselves eventually influence how we see ourselves and how we show up in the world. I’ve worked with women who became so familiar with a struggle that they stopped seeing it as something they experienced and started seeing it as who they were.
A woman who battles anxiety begins introducing herself as an anxious person. Someone who has experienced rejection starts seeing herself as rejected. A person who made a series of poor decisions concludes that she is a failure.
Over time, the line between behavior and identity becomes blurred. That’s when growth becomes more difficult. After all, if you believe something is simply who you are, why would you expect anything different?
I wonder how many of us are carrying labels we have never stopped to question. How many statements have we accepted as truth simply because we’ve repeated them long enough? How many limitations have we unknowingly agreed with?
WHAT SCRIPTURE SAYS ABOUT THE POWER OF THE TONGUE
Scripture reminds us of the profound power of our words. Proverbs 18:21 (ESV) says:
“Death and life are in the power of the tongue, and those who love it will eat its fruits.”
Most people think about that verse in relation to what we say to others. I believe it applies to what we say about ourselves as well. Many of us would never speak harshly to a friend, yet we repeatedly speak limiting words over our own lives. We rehearse our weaknesses. We magnify our shortcomings. We reinforce old wounds. Then we wonder why we remain stuck.
Please hear me clearly: I’m not suggesting we ignore reality. If you struggle with procrastination, acknowledge it. If fear has been getting in your way, acknowledge it. If people-pleasing continues to trip you up, acknowledge it. Growth begins with honesty. At the same time, be careful when a behavior starts introducing itself as your identity.
- You are not your struggle.
- You are not your worst mistake.
- You are not your most difficult season.
- You are not the thing you are currently working through.
As believers, our identity is not rooted in our habits, our failures, or our weaknesses. Our identity is found in Christ. That means I can say:
- “I have struggled with fear, but fear does not define me.”
- “I have experienced rejection, but rejection is not my identity.”
- “I have made mistakes, but I am not a mistake.”
Those statements leave room for God to continue His work in us. Philippians 1:6 (ESV) reminds us:
“And I am sure of this, that he who began a good work in you will bring it to completion at the day of Jesus Christ.”
The work is still in progress. Growth is still happening. God is still transforming lives…that includes yours.
RECLAIMING YOUR STORY: HOW TO CHALLENGE AND REMOVE FALSE LABELS
Not every label deserves permanent residency in your life. Some need to be challenged. Others need to be corrected. A few need to be removed altogether.
As I continued down Glenwood Avenue, the car eventually turned and went its own way. The lesson, however, stayed with me. A habit can be changed. A behavior can be corrected. A struggle can be overcome. An identity is much harder to challenge.
That’s why we need to be careful what we call ourselves. The labels we repeatedly agree with have a way of shaping the lives we eventually live.
So let me leave you with a question: What labels have you been wearing lately? More importantly, do they align with what God says about you?
The next time you’re tempted to introduce yourself by your weakness, pause and remember who you belong to. You may be working through something, you may be growing through something, and you may be overcoming something—but don’t confuse the journey with your identity.
God is still writing your story.
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Dr. Nanette Floyd Patterson, CPsy.D., LCMHC, & Master HIScoach™ is a Licensed Clinical Mental Health Counselor, Christian coaching business consultant, and author dedicated to helping women break free from limiting labels and reclaim their divine identity. Blending professional clinical frameworks with deep spiritual truth, she designs resources and training academies that empower women to walk boldly in their true calling.
RECLAIM YOUR TRUE IDENTITY
If you are ready to stop wearing labels that don’t serve you and begin walking in who God says you are, I’ve designed two powerful resources to meet you exactly where you are:
Divinely Affirmed & Worthy: A Self-Worth Workbook
Ready to do the deeper work? This workbook beautifully blends clinical therapeutic principles with Christian spiritual teachings to help you unpack past wounds, challenge limiting core beliefs, and build a healthy, secure identity in Christ.
Get it on Amazon or through Girls Reminded & Inspired.
Divinely Affirmed: Adult Coloring Book
Need a peaceful way to slow your mind down? This scriptural coloring book combines relaxing floral designs with powerful divine affirmations, scripture references, and designated journal space for your own personal reflections and “divine downloads.”
Grab signed copies directly from Girls Reminded & Inspired or find it on Amazon.
