When Assumptions Cross Boundaries
A few days ago, I stopped by a convenience store to grab a drink. The cashier rang up my purchase, and my change came to one dollar and four cents. She handed me a dollar, so I smiled and asked, “Where’s my four cents?”
She replied, “We don’t have any pennies.” I don’t remember the exact words she used after that, but the message was clear. They weren’t giving pennies back.
I walked out of the store, got into my car, and just sat there for a minute. For some reason, I couldn’t make myself drive away. The more I thought about what had happened, the more unsettled I became, and it had absolutely nothing to do with needing four cents.
It Wasn’t About the Pennies. It Was About the Permission.
What bothered me was that someone had made a decision for me without asking.
No one said, “Would it be okay if we rounded your change?” No one gave me the opportunity to decide whether I wanted to leave those four cents behind. They simply assumed it didn’t matter.
The longer I sat there, the more I realized why it didn’t sit well with me. It wasn’t about the pennies. It was about the permission.
So, I reached into the car door pocket, found a penny, walked back into the store, and handed it to the cashier.
“Now may I have my nickel?” She gave me a dime.
I wasn’t trying to embarrass anyone or make a scene. I wasn’t even trying to prove a point. I simply wanted what was mine, and I wanted the opportunity to decide for myself what I would do with it.
As I drove away, I couldn’t stop thinking about how often assumptions quietly cross boundaries. We assume someone won’t mind if we interrupt their day. We assume they’ll be happy to help because they’ve always helped before. We assume they’ll absorb one more responsibility, one more favor, or one more inconvenience because that’s just who they are.
What Are the Problems with Assumptions?
The problem with assumptions is that they skip one important step.
They skip asking.
When we stop asking and start assuming, we risk taking something that was never ours to take. It may be four cents. It may be someone’s time, emotional energy, peace, trust, or the freedom to make their own decision. Respect pauses long enough to ask because it recognizes that people have the right to make their own decisions.
Assumption simply takes.
As I reflected on that experience, I also had to turn the mirror toward myself. Have I ever assumed someone was okay with something because it didn’t seem like a big deal to me? Have I ever overlooked the importance of asking because I thought the answer was obvious? I suspect we’ve all done that at one time or another.
That little trip to the convenience store reminded me that healthy relationships aren’t built on assumptions. They’re built on communication, respect, and honoring another person’s ability to say yes or no.
Maybe that’s why those four cents stayed with me long after I left the parking lot. They reminded me that respect isn’t measured by the amount involved. It’s measured by whether we pause long enough to ask instead of assuming we already know the answer.
The next time you’re tempted to assume, pause long enough to ask.
Respect asks.
Assumption takes.
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Dr. Nanette Floyd Patterson, CPsy.D., LCMHC Christian Therapist, Master HIScoach™, & Founder of HIScoach Training Academy
