When life changes and you have no control over the shift
The other morning, my daughter-in-love and I were leaving Planet Fitness after our early morning workout. It was around 7 a.m., and we started talking about how much harder it was getting out of bed now that the weather was changing. The mornings were colder, the days were getting shorter, and that warm weather I enjoy so much was slowly becoming a memory.
Now, let me tell you something about me. I do not like cold weather! Give me sunshine, warm mornings, and temperatures that don’t require me to put on three layers of clothing just to walk outside. I enjoy spring and summer, but when fall starts making its appearance, I already know what’s coming next. Winter! And I am not looking forward to it.
As we continued talking, something occurred to me. No matter how much I dislike the cold, I cannot stop the seasons from changing. I can complain about the temperature, wish summer would last a little longer, or count down the days until spring returns, but none of that will change the fact that winter is coming.
Winter doesn’t need my permission to arrive.
And neither do some of the seasons we experience in life.
That conversation got me thinking about how we respond when life changes, especially when the change is something we didn’t ask for, weren’t prepared for, or simply don’t want.
Relationships change. Friendships change. Our children grow up, responsibilities shift, opportunities come and go, and sometimes people who were once a significant part of our lives are no longer present in the same way. There are seasons when everything seems to be moving in the direction we hoped and prayed for. Then there are those seasons when we find ourselves trying to understand what happened, why things changed, and what we’re supposed to do next.
Some changes happen gradually, giving us time to prepare. Others seem to happen overnight, leaving us emotionally trying to catch up with what has already taken place.
Regardless of how the change happens, one thing remains true.
Every season requires something different from us, whether we welcome the change or not.
Ecclesiastes 3:1 (ESV) reminds us:
“For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven:”
God never promised that every season would feel comfortable or that we would enjoy every change we experience. He did, however, remind us that seasons are part of life.
And because seasons change, we have to learn how to change with them.
1. Acknowledge That the Season Has Changed
One of the first things we have to do when life changes is acknowledge that something is different.
That sounds simple enough, doesn’t it? Yet sometimes this is where we struggle the most.
We recognize that things aren’t the way they used to be, but emotionally, we’re still holding on to what was. We keep expecting people to respond the way they once did, situations to return to what felt familiar, or opportunities to remain available simply because they were once part of our lives.
I’ve learned that we can spend so much time wishing things were different that we fail to deal with what is actually happening.
Think about the weather. When the temperature drops to 35 degrees, I cannot walk outside dressed for an 85-degree summer afternoon and expect to be comfortable. The weather has changed, whether I like it or not. Refusing to acknowledge that doesn’t make me warmer. It just leaves me unprepared.
Life works much the same way.
Sometimes we need to have an honest conversation with ourselves and say, “Things have changed. This season is different, and I need to recognize that.”
Acknowledging change doesn’t mean you have to like it, agree with everything that happened, or pretend you’re not disappointed. It simply means you’re willing to be honest about where you are.
You cannot make healthy adjustments to a change you refuse to acknowledge.
2. Be Thankful for What the Previous Season Brought
I think one of the hardest parts of experiencing change is learning how to appreciate a season without trying to hold on to it forever.
Some seasons bring wonderful memories, meaningful relationships, accomplishments, and opportunities that we will always treasure. Others bring disappointment, difficult lessons, and experiences we wouldn’t willingly choose to repeat.
Yet even in those difficult seasons, there may be things we learned about ourselves, our expectations, our decisions, and the people around us.
Perhaps you discovered that you were stronger than you realized. Maybe you learned the importance of establishing boundaries, speaking up for yourself, or paying closer attention to what God was showing you. Some experiences reveal areas where we still need healing, while others help us recognize how much we’ve already grown.
I believe it’s important to take time to reflect on what a season brought into our lives rather than allowing how it ended to determine how we remember everything about it.
A friendship that ended may still have included years of genuine love and laughter. An opportunity that closed may have helped you develop skills you still use today. Even a difficult experience may have taught you something that changed how you approach life.
Being thankful doesn’t require us to call everything good. Some things were painful, unfair, or disappointing, and we can acknowledge that honestly.
Still, we can thank God for the good we experienced, the lessons we learned, and the ways He helped us through.
You can appreciate what a season gave you without needing to remain in it.
3. Grow Through the Seasons
Now, this is the part I really want you to think about.
We often talk about growing through what we’ve been through, but what about growing through what we’re currently experiencing?
It’s easy to look back at a difficult season and recognize what we learned after everything has settled. Growth can be harder to recognize when we’re still in the middle of adjusting, especially when we’re uncomfortable, uncertain, or disappointed.
But growth doesn’t have to wait until the season is over.
Sometimes it begins when we recognize that our old way of thinking, responding, or approaching a situation is no longer helping us. Perhaps this season is requiring you to become more patient, manage your expectations differently, or stop trying to control things that were never within your control. You may need to develop healthier habits, become more intentional with your time, or recognize that certain responsibilities require a different level of attention.
There are also seasons when growth involves accepting that you cannot make people stay, force relationships to remain the same, or keep opportunities open indefinitely. That doesn’t mean every relationship that becomes difficult should end. Some relationships need honest conversations, forgiveness, renewed commitment, and intentional work. We need God’s wisdom to know when to make adjustments, when to persevere, and when something has genuinely come to an end.
Whatever the situation, growth requires us to pay attention to what is happening within us as well as around us.
Ask yourself, “What is this season teaching me? What do I need to change? Are my expectations realistic for where I am right now?” Sometimes the very thing we’re resisting is revealing an area where we need to grow.
You cannot keep living by the expectations of a season that has already ended.
4. Stop Focusing So Much on the Season You Wish You Were In
Let me go back to my feelings about winter for a moment.
I can spend every cold morning wishing it were spring. I can look at pictures of beautiful summer days, talk about how much I miss the warm weather, and complain every time the temperature drops.
But guess what? I’m still going to have to live through winter!
All that wishing won’t change the temperature outside. Now, there’s nothing wrong with looking forward to another season. I certainly plan to look forward to spring! The problem comes when our desire for a different season keeps us from being present in the one we’re actually experiencing.
We can do this emotionally, too.
Sometimes we’re so focused on what we used to have that we overlook what is available to us today. We replay conversations, revisit old experiences, and compare our current circumstances to a time when things felt more comfortable or predictable. Other times, we’re so anxious for the next chapter that we rush through the present one, believing we’ll finally be content when something changes.
I’ve had to remind myself that wishing for a different season doesn’t relieve me of the responsibility to live well in this one. There are still things to appreciate, responsibilities to fulfill, relationships to enjoy, and opportunities to recognize right where we are.
We don’t have to pretend that everything about the present season is wonderful. Some days are genuinely hard, and certain losses take time to process. However, we can be intentional about not allowing our longing for yesterday or tomorrow to consume all of our attention today.
Don’t become so focused on the season you wish you were in that you neglect the one you’re living in.
5. Pray and Ask God for Peace With the Shift
One thing I’ve come to understand is that accepting change in our minds and having peace with it in our emotions are not always the same thing.
You can know that something has changed and still struggle with how you feel about it.
Perhaps you understand why a particular relationship is different, but you still miss the closeness you once shared. You may recognize that an opportunity has ended, yet feel disappointed because you had hoped it would last longer.
Sometimes the change itself isn’t as difficult as the emotions that come with it. That’s why I believe prayer needs to be part of how we respond to changing seasons.
We can ask God to help us see our circumstances clearly, manage our emotions in healthy ways, and make wise decisions about what comes next.
Philippians 4:6–7 encourages us to bring our concerns to God through prayer and thanksgiving, trusting Him for peace that guards our hearts and minds in Christ Jesus.
Notice that experiencing God’s peace doesn’t require us to have every question answered or every circumstance resolved. There may still be things we don’t understand. We may continue to feel disappointed about how something turned out, and we might need time to process what we’ve experienced.
Peace doesn’t mean the change no longer affects us. It means we can bring those feelings before God rather than allowing them to control every decision we make.
Sometimes my prayer is as simple as, “Lord, I know things have changed. Help me accept what I cannot control, understand what I need to learn, and make the adjustments that are necessary.”
We can be honest with God about the seasons we don’t enjoy. He already knows how we feel.
6. Adjust Your Expectations and Your Preparation
When the weather changes, we make adjustments. We pull out warmer clothes, change the thermostat, and sometimes modify our schedules. I may not enjoy getting out of bed when it’s cold outside, but if I’m committed to taking care of my health, I have to make some adjustments rather than allowing the temperature to determine whether I show up.
That might mean preparing my workout clothes the night before, getting to bed earlier, or reminding myself why I made the commitment in the first place.
The goal hasn’t changed, but my preparation needs to account for the season. The same principle applies to other areas of life.
A new responsibility may require better time management. A change in your finances may mean adjusting how you spend. A different stage of parenting may require you to relate to your children differently. Changes in your health, family, or work may call for new routines and expectations.
What worked well in one season may not work as effectively in another. And sometimes the adjustment we need to make is internal.
We may need to change how we think about ourselves, what we expect from others, or how we define progress during a difficult period. I think this is where many of us experience unnecessary frustration. We keep trying to operate the same way we did before, even though our circumstances have changed.
You can’t dress for summer and expect to be comfortable in winter.
Take some time to consider what your current season requires. Are there habits you need to change, expectations you need to reconsider, or decisions you’ve been postponing because you’re still hoping things will return to the way they were?
Making adjustments doesn’t mean you’re giving up. Sometimes it means you’re finally responding to what your life needs right now.
7. Don’t Confuse the End of a Season With the End of Your Purpose
I want to spend a little time here because changes involving people, relationships, and meaningful opportunities can affect us deeply. When something we’ve invested our time, energy, emotions, or prayers into comes to an end, it’s easy to start questioning ourselves.
Did I do something wrong? Could I have prevented this? Was all that time wasted? What am I supposed to do now?
Those are understandable questions, especially when the change wasn’t something we wanted. But I want you to consider this.
Just because something ended doesn’t mean everything connected to it was a failure.
There are people who have played meaningful roles in our lives even though those relationships eventually changed. We’ve experienced opportunities that served an important purpose for a period of time but were never guaranteed to remain available forever.
Of course, we need to be careful about assuming that every uncomfortable situation means a season is over. Sometimes what needs to end is an unhealthy pattern, an unrealistic expectation, or a behavior that’s damaging a relationship. The relationship itself may still be worth working on.
Other times, despite our efforts, circumstances change and we have to accept that things will not continue as they once did. Either way, the end of something meaningful does not automatically mean your purpose has ended.
God can continue working in your life even when familiar circumstances change. The gifts, wisdom, and experiences you’ve gained don’t suddenly disappear because one chapter has closed. You may need time to grieve, reflect, heal, and determine what comes next. That’s part of being human.
You can grieve a season and still grow through it.
Give yourself permission to feel what you feel while remaining open to what God may be teaching you.
So, What Season Are You In?
As I think back to that conversation with my daughter-in-love, I still haven’t changed my mind about cold weather. I would be perfectly happy if the temperature stayed warm all year long!
But that’s not how God designed the seasons.
Spring gives way to summer. Summer gives way to fall, and eventually winter arrives. Each season brings different conditions, and we have to respond accordingly.
Life has seasons, too.
Some are filled with excitement and new beginnings. Others require patience, difficult decisions, healing, or learning how to live with changes we never expected. We won’t always get to choose when those changes happen, and we certainly won’t enjoy every one of them.
What we can do is acknowledge where we are, appreciate what we’ve experienced, remain open to growth, adjust our expectations, and ask God for wisdom and peace.
As you think about your own life, I encourage you to ask yourself a few questions. What has changed that you’re still having difficulty accepting? Are you holding on to expectations that belong to a previous season? What adjustments would help you live more effectively in the season you’re experiencing today?
And perhaps most importantly, what would growing through this season look like for you?
I know what I need to do when the temperature drops. Get my warmer clothes ready, prepare myself for those cold mornings, and keep showing up at Planet Fitness, even when my bed feels a whole lot more inviting!
I’m still going to look forward to spring, though.
As for the other seasons of life, I’m learning to approach them with the same willingness to adjust, even when I’d rather things stay the way they are.
I may not get to choose when the seasons change, but I can choose how I respond to the change. I can resist it, resent it, or ask God to help me grow through it.
And that’s what I want to encourage you to do.
Grow through the seasons.
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Remember to feel honestly. Heal through God’s truth. Grow through what tried to stop you. Flow forward from there.
Dr. Nanette Floyd Patterson, CPsy.D., LCMHC, Christian Therapist, Master HIScoach™, & Founder of HIScoach Training Academy
