How Unspoken Expectations Shape Self Worth and What the Bible Says About Living in Freedom
The other morning, I sat down with a bowl of black eyed peas for breakfast. (Spoiler alert. I’m a godly proud country girl.)
Not cereal. Not pancakes. Not eggs.
Black eyed peas.
As I was eating, I started thinking about how I have never really let society decide what counts as “breakfast food.” If I’m hungry for collard greens, grits, or fried chicken at eight o’clock in the morning, that’s what I’m going to eat.
One day I was talking with someone while enjoying a bowl of collard greens my cousin had prepared. Whew! They were just as good the next morning as they were the night before.
Then a thought crossed my mind.
Who decided that certain foods belong in the morning and others don’t?
It may sound like a silly question, but it led me to something much deeper.
When Expectations Begin Shaping Your Self Worth
How many of the rules we live by were actually established by God, and how many were simply created by culture, tradition, or other people’s opinions?
Sometimes we don’t even realize we’ve accepted someone else’s expectations as our own. We begin believing there is only one right way to dress, one right timeline for success, one right personality, one right career path, or one right way to live our lives.
Over time, those expectations can quietly shape our self worth.
We start asking ourselves questions like:
“Am I doing this the right way?”
“Will people approve?”
“What will they think if I choose differently?”
Yet Scripture reminds us that our lives are not meant to be directed by the opinions of people.
“If I were still trying to please man, I would not be a servant of Christ.” Galatians 1:10 (ESV)
When our desire for approval becomes stronger than our desire to follow God, we begin living according to expectations He never placed on us.
That doesn’t mean we ignore wisdom or biblical truth. There is a difference between personal preference and God’s commands. Scripture gives us clear direction for how we are to live. At the same time, many of the expectations we carry have nothing to do with God’s Word.
They are simply traditions we have mistaken for truth.
Jesus challenged people who elevated human traditions above what truly mattered.
“You leave the commandment of God and hold to the tradition of men.” Mark 7:8 (ESV)
That verse always causes me to pause.
How often do we carry traditions, assumptions, or unwritten rules without ever asking whether God required them?
Perhaps your “collard greens for breakfast” has nothing to do with food.
It may be accepting a career path that others don’t understand.
Maybe it’s finding the courage to begin again later in life.
Sometimes it looks like saying no without apologizing or feeling guilty.
Other times, it’s giving yourself permission to rest while everyone else keeps pushing for more.
Healthy self-worth gives you the freedom to ask a different question.
Instead of asking, “What is everyone else doing?” begin asking, “Lord, what are You asking of me?”
God’s opinion carries far more weight than public opinion.
“For am I now seeking the approval of man, or of God?” Galatians 1:10 (ESV)
Choosing Freedom Over Expectations
As I finished my bowl of black eyed peas, I smiled.
The food wasn’t really the lesson.
The lesson was freedom.
Freedom to make choices that honor God without feeling pressured to meet expectations He never established.
Maybe today is a good day to examine the unwritten rules you’ve been living by.
Perhaps those unwritten rules were handed down through your family. Others may have been absorbed from the culture around you. Still others may have grown out of fear rather than faith.
But if they didn’t come from God, perhaps it’s time to put them down.
Real growth begins when we’re willing to examine what has been shaping our thoughts, decisions, and identity. As you reflect on the questions below, ask the Lord to help you distinguish between His truth and the expectations you’ve simply grown accustomed to carrying.
“Examine yourselves, to see whether you are in the faith. Test yourselves.” 2 Corinthians 13:5a (ESV)
Grow Through It
- What unwritten rule have I accepted simply because “that’s how it’s always been done”?
- Is this expectation rooted in biblical truth or in someone else’s opinion?
- Where might God be inviting me to live with greater freedom and confidence in who He created me to be?
Tomorrow morning, I may have another bowl of black eyed peas. Or maybe it’ll be collard greens and grits. Either way, I’ll eat what nourishes me, not what someone else decided belongs on a breakfast plate.
I hope you’ll do the same with your life.
You don’t have to keep living by beliefs you never intentionally chose. God invites you to examine them, surrender them, and replace them with His truth.
My Divinely Affirmed Self Worth Workbook will guide you through that process with biblical reflection, practical exercises, and Scripture based encouragement.
Download your copy today and begin strengthening your self worth one truth at a time.
Dr. Nanette Floyd Patterson, CPsy.D., LCMHC Christian Therapist, Master HIScoach™, & Founder of HIScoach Training Academy
