What if the confusion was never about the word, but about how we’ve been taught to hear it
You were taught that thinking well of yourself dishonors God. That’s not what the Word of God says. I’m not sure when it happened, but somewhere along the line, we began to think that the word self was a dirty word.
I can’t tell you how many times I’ve heard people say, “Self-worth isn’t biblical.” Others ask whether self-care is really selfish or wonder if self-confidence even has a place in Christianity. Before long, it starts to feel as though anything that begins with the word self is automatically suspect.
I get it.
The Bible does warn against selfish ambition, pride, and becoming lovers of ourselves. We should never ignore those warnings, but at some point I started wondering if we’re not missing out on something greater because we’re so gun-shy about the word self. The real issue isn’t the word, it’s who or what is steering the self.
Who or What Is Leading?
As I started digging into Scripture, it became clear to me that the Bible isn’t anti-self, it’s just very pro-God.
When Jesus was asked which commandment was the greatest, He answered, “You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind” (Matthew 22:37, ESV).
He then follows that up with, “You shall love your neighbor as yourself” (Matthew 22:39, ESV).
I’ve always wondered about the second half of that quote. Why does Jesus say we should love our neighbor as ourselves? Why not tell us to love them more than ourselves? Why not tell us to love them instead of ourselves?
When reading Paul’s letters, you find similar themes.
Paul tells the Corinthians to examine themselves (2 Corinthians 13:5, ESV) and he then gives instruction to be self-controlled as part of the fruit of the Spirit (Galatians 5:22 and 23, ESV).
But elsewhere Jesus says, “If anyone would come after me, let him deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me” (Luke 9:23, ESV).
Two verses later, He asks, “What does it profit a man if he gains the whole world and loses or forfeits himself?” (Luke 9:25, ESV).
Whatever deny yourself means, it can’t mean lose yourself. Jesus just called that the tragedy, not the goal.
They don’t conflict…they actually complement one another
What Biblical Humility Really Looks Like
I see women downplay their gifts because they’re afraid to be accused of thinking too highly of themselves. We hear women respond to compliments with,
“Oh, that was nothing.”
“That wasn’t me, it was God.”
“Anyone could have done this.”
We say these things to the point that it’s almost automatic that we just don’t want to sound boastful, but in the process, we’re actually minimizing the incredible things God has done through us.
Others I know are so afraid to practice self-care that they feel guilty about it because they’ve been taught that thinking well of themselves is selfish. Some people cannot believe that they have worth at all because they are taught that believing that is thinking too highly of themselves.
I don’t think that’s what biblical humility is.
The Apostle Paul wrote, “not to think of himself more highly than he ought to think, but to think with sober judgment” (Romans 12:3, ESV).
Notice he didn’t say not to think about yourself at all, but rather not to think of yourself more highly than you ought to think, and then he tells us to think with sober judgment. That’s biblical humility. It’s seeing yourself accurately according to God’s Word and not inflating or deflating your self-worth.
It’s not thinking that God made someone else in His image, but not you. Genesis 1:27 makes it clear that God made mankind in His image. Neither is it biblical humility to downplay the gifts He’s given us or the work He’s accomplished through us.
It’s humility to agree with God that we are fearfully and wonderfully made (Psalm 139:14, ESV).
Seeing Yourself Through God’s Truth
This is why I created The Self-Worth Council™. Every day we’re waging a battle within ourselves. It’s us, and our many “inner voices”, namely, fear, comparison, guilt, and people-pleasing. These voices (influencers) all have something to say. Truth also has something to say. The difference is, whose voice are we actually letting lead?
When we allow fear to lead, it influences the choices we make. The same is true when we allow comparison to lead or guilt to lead. God has something better for us.
Romans 12:2 (ESV) says, “Be transformed by the renewal of your mind.”
As our minds are renewed, we can see ourselves, other people, and even our circumstances differently.
Why We Should Take a Second Look at the Word Self
Maybe it’s time we started looking at the word self differently. I wonder if perhaps we’ve been so caught up teaching people not to be selfish that we’ve inadvertently made it taboo for Christians to even use the word self. But the Bible warns against selfishness. It warns against self-exaltation. It warns against self-will. It doesn’t condemn self-examination or self-control. It doesn’t condemn love as Jesus instructed, including loving our neighbor as ourselves. What the Bible does condemn is placing anything or anyone above Jesus. It condemns putting self in the place of God.
I don’t think God is against us thinking well of ourselves or poorly of ourselves. I think He wants to renew our minds so we can truly see ourselves as Scripture says we’re made in His image. Not through the distortion of pride or shame, but through the lens of His Word.
When that happens, we’ll no longer be self-minded, but Christ-minded. We’ll see who we are in Christ, and because of that, we’ll begin to see who we’re supposed to be.
Let’s consider…“Be transformed by the renewal of your mind” (Romans 12:2, ESV).
Let’s Grow Through It
I want you to go to Matthew 22:37 through 39, Luke 9:23, Romans 12:2 and 3, and 2 Corinthians 13:5, and read these scriptures for yourself. Ask the Holy Spirit to show you which “inner voice” has a tendency to lead in your life.
The conversation happening within you matters. Which self word has been most troublesome for you? Let me know by leaving a comment below.
If this has blessed you, share it with a friend who has been struggling with similar thoughts.
And if you’re ready to move forward in your journey to see how God wants you to view yourself, start with my Divinely Affirmed & Worthy: A Self-Worth Workbook for Christian Women and grow through it as you replace self-defeating thoughts with the truth of God’s Word.
