Get over it! Are these words familiar? It’s a phrase that gets tossed around in conversation when emotions feel too heavy, when someone’s pain becomes uncomfortable to witness, or when the listener simply doesn’t know what else to say. Sometimes, it’s said in exhaustion after hearing the same struggle again and again. Other times, it slips out on days when compassion is running low and your own worries feel like more than enough.
Still, intention doesn’t erase impact.
Telling someone to “get over it” rarely leads to healing. More often, it creates shame, shuts down connection, and teaches the hurting person that their feelings are too much for the room.
Regardless of how you spin it, saying, “Get over it” doesn’t heal. It hurts and it can be diminishing.
I can’t tell you how many women have sat across from me, eyes filled with tears, telling me how those four little words made them feel small, ignored, and dismissed. If we’re truly called to show compassion, we’ve got to do better. And that starts with understanding why “get over it” is more damaging than helpful.
What Does “Get Over It” Really Say?
When someone says “get over it,” it often comes from a place of discomfort or “tired of hearing about it” or “I have my own problems,” so we reach for a phrase that we think might snap them out of it. But here’s the thing, that phrase doesn’t empower or lift anyone up. It silences and can shut down the process God may be working in someone’s heart through the person on the receiving end.
Healing doesn’t happen with the flip of a switch. It takes time, grace, and the presence of a safe and steady community.
For most people, if you know better, prayerfully you’ll do better. Here’s why it matters.
11 Reasons “Get Over It” Is Not Helping
1. It Dismisses the Pain
You’re telling someone their emotions don’t matter. That’s not just insensitive. It’s invalidating.
Scripture Anchor: Romans 12:15 – “Weep with those who weep.”
2. It Shames the Healing Process
Healing isn’t linear. Everyone’s timeline is different, and when you tell someone to hurry up and heal, it sends the message that they’re failing.
Scripture Anchor: Ecclesiastes 3:1 – “For everything there is a season…”
3. It Deepens Emotional Isolation
Words like “get over it” can make people withdraw. They stop sharing. They carry their pain in silence and don’t feel emotionally safe with the person responding.
Scripture Anchor: Galatians 6:2 – “Bear one another’s burdens…”
4. It Ignores Underlying Trauma
Some wounds are deep. Childhood trauma, betrayal, abuse, or father abandonment can’t be brushed aside with a slogan.
Scripture Anchor: Psalm 34:18 – “The Lord is near to the brokenhearted…”
5. It Reflects More About the Speaker Than the Hurting Person
Truthfully, many people who say “get over it” are often uncomfortable being around someone else’s pain. It’s about their capacity, not the other person’s progress.
6. It Overlooks Their Story
You can’t speak to someone’s healing without knowing their story. Pain has context. When you skip the context, you skip compassion.
Scripture Anchor: Proverbs 20:5 – “The purpose in a man’s heart is like deep water…”
7. It Can Trigger Shame Responses
Being told to “get over it” can make someone feel weak, immature, or unspiritual. It triggers internal shame and self-condemnation.
Scripture Anchor: Genesis 3:10 – “I was afraid… so I hid.”
8. It Misses an Opportunity for Ministry
This is big. When we dismiss someone’s pain, we miss a holy moment to reflect God’s comfort and grace.
Scripture Anchor: 2 Corinthians 1:4 – “He comforts us… so that we may be able to comfort others…”
9. It Breeds Silent Suffering
Once someone is shut down emotionally, they don’t often come back. That one phrase can teach them: “My pain isn’t safe here.”
Scripture Anchor: Psalm 32:3 – “When I kept silent, my bones wasted away…”
10. It Reopens Old Wounds
Especially for women dealing with abandonment, emotional neglect, or spiritual abuse, being dismissed can feel like the same rejection all over again.
Scripture Anchor: Psalm 27:10 – “Though my father and mother forsake me, the Lord will take me in.”
11. It Teaches Suppression, Not Strength
Unprocessed emotions don’t disappear, they wait. And when we teach people to bottle things up, we’re setting them up for emotional breakdowns down the road.
Scripture Anchor: Proverbs 4:23 – “Keep your heart with all vigilance…”
But Wait—Isn’t It Healthy to Move On?
Yes. Eventually. Healing is the goal. But moving on requires first sitting with what was broken. The problem isn’t encouraging someone to heal; it’s demanding they rush it. Throughout Scripture, we see Jesus stop for the overlooked, ask intentional questions, and draw people close. He created space for healing.
If you want to help someone move forward, do what Jesus did: be present.
So What Should We Say Instead?
Here are a few alternatives that offer a little more grace:
- “I may not understand fully, but I’m here for you.”
- “That sounds incredibly hard. Do you want to talk about it?”
- “How can I support you right now?”
- “You don’t have to rush. Take the time you need.”
- “I’m praying with you and I believe in your healing.”
- “I care deeply, and I want to support you—can I help you find someone who’s equipped to walk through this with you?”
- “I may not be the best person to help right now, but I don’t want you to carry this alone.”
These statements don’t try to fix. They simply make space. And space is where healing happens.
GROW THROUGH IT
If you’ve ever been told to “get over it,” I want you to know something:
Your emotions are valid. Your healing doesn’t have a deadline. And your story is seen, known, and cherished by God.
Reflection Prompt:
- Has someone ever dismissed your pain? How did it affect you?
- What did you need to hear in that moment instead?
Try This:
Write a letter (just for yourself) as if Jesus were speaking directly to your wounded place. Let His voice remind you that He sees you and cares right where you are.
If someone you care about is healing from the impact of a father’s absence, resist the urge to tell them to “get over it.”
Want to go deeper? I created a printable version of the “11 Reasons Saying ‘Get Over It’ Is Not Helping” poster. Hang it in your home, office, use it in your coaching space, or share it in your community.
Let’s be people who are more mindful of these words.
Muah!
Dr. Nanette
