A few years ago, I was searching for a book on people-pleasing and ran across When People Are Big and God Is Small by Edward Welch. The title alone stopped me in my tracks. I immediately felt I needed to ask God for forgiveness if I had ever made people larger than Him. I felt this conviction before I even opened the book.
We all want to be liked. The thought of someone feeling disappointed in us can weigh heavy on our hearts. So, we find ourselves saying “yes” when we really mean “no,” stretching ourselves thin, and even compromising our own convictions to keep the peace. While there’s nothing wrong with wanting to serve and love others, the problem arises when our need for approval begins to take precedence over pleasing God.
If you’ve ever found yourself caught in this tug-of-war between doing what feels right to others and obeying God’s voice, you’re certainly not the only one and won’t be the last. The good news is that God calls us into freedom, freedom from fear, freedom from striving, and freedom to walk confidently in His will, even when it’s not what people expect. Let’s explore how you can release the need for approval and discover the peace that comes from prioritizing God above all else.
Why We Crave Approval
On the surface, the desire for approval seems harmless. After all, who doesn’t want to feel accepted, valued, or affirmed? But at its root, this craving often reveals a deeper struggle. Approval can become a way of seeking validation, worth, or even identity from others rather than God. This is why people-pleasing is more than just a bad habit; it’s a spiritual issue.
The Bible warns us about this in Galatians 1:10: “For am I now seeking the approval of man, or of God? Or am I trying to please man? If I were still trying to please man, I would not be a servant of Christ.” Paul reminds us that we can’t fully serve Christ if we’re consumed with pleasing others. Why? Because when we prioritize people’s opinions, their voices can drown out God’s voice in our lives.
At its core, approval-seeking is often rooted in fear, fear of rejection, fear of being misunderstood, or fear of not measuring up. But God’s Word reassures us that our worth isn’t tied to people’s opinions. Psalm 139:14 declares, “I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made.” God already sees you as valuable, loved, and complete. No human approval can add to or take away from that truth.
The Hidden Cost of People-Pleasing
Sometimes, what starts as serving others with good intentions can turn into people-pleasing in disguise. (BTW I wrote more about it. Check out, ‘When Serving Others Becomes People-Pleasing in Disguise’). It can be hard to recognize when our desire to help shifts from obedience to God into striving for human approval. When serving begins to feel burdensome or leads to resentment, it might be a sign that we’re prioritizing others’ expectations over God’s calling.
People-pleasing can feel like the easiest path in the moment, but it comes with hidden costs, both emotionally and spiritually.
1. Emotional Exhaustion
Saying “yes” to everyone can leave you feeling drained, overcommitted, and resentful. You might find yourself overwhelmed by expectations that were never yours to carry in the first place. This constant striving for approval can lead to burnout and even anxiety.
2. Compromised Convictions
When you prioritize what others think, it becomes easier to compromise your values or calling. You might find yourself agreeing to things that don’t align with God’s direction for your life, just to avoid conflict or disappointment.
3. Spiritual Drift
The most serious cost is that people-pleasing pulls you away from God. When you’re more concerned with others’ opinions than God’s truth, your spiritual focus shifts. Over time, this can create distance between you and Him, making it harder to discern His will.
Biblical Examples of Choosing God Over Approval
The Bible is filled with stories of people who faced the temptation to seek approval but chose God instead. Their lives remind us that obedience to Him is always worth it.
David: Trusting God’s Strength
When David faced Goliath, the Israelite army doubted him. He was young, inexperienced, and didn’t fit their expectations of a warrior. But David wasn’t focused on their opinions; his confidence was in God. He declared, “The Lord, who delivered me from the paw of the lion and from the paw of the bear, will deliver me from the hand of this Philistine” (1 Samuel 17:37). David’s story reminds us that trusting God’s strength over people’s doubts leads to victory.
Paul: Living for an Audience of One
Paul’s transformation from a persecutor of Christians to one of Christ’s most devoted apostles came with rejection, imprisonment, and suffering. Yet, he famously wrote in Colossians 3:23: “Whatever you do, work heartily, as for the Lord and not for men.” Paul’s life shows us that living for God’s approval brings eternal reward, even when it costs us in the short term.
Practical Steps to Break Free from People-Pleasing
1. Reflect on Your Motives
Ask yourself why you’re saying “yes” or seeking someone’s approval. Are you trying to avoid conflict? Do you fear rejection? Bring these questions before God in prayer and allow Him to reveal any unhealthy patterns.
2. Seek God’s Approval First
Anchor your identity in what God says about you, not in what others think. Memorize verses like Galatians 1:10 or 2 Corinthians 5:9: “So whether we are at home or away, we make it our aim to please Him.”
3. Set Healthy Boundaries
Learn to say “no” with grace. For example, you might say, “I’d love to help, but I’ve prayed about it and need to focus on other priorities right now.” Boundaries are not about shutting people out but creating space to follow God’s will.
4. Practice Obedience in Small Things
Start prioritizing God in small, everyday decisions. Whether it’s speaking up about your faith or protecting your quiet time, these small acts of obedience build your confidence to follow Him in bigger ways.
5. Surround Yourself with Encouragement
Find a community of believers who will encourage you to prioritize God’s will. Having accountability partners or mentors can help you stay grounded and focused on Him.
The Peace of Pleasing God
When you let go of the need for approval, you’ll find a deep, unshakable peace. Pleasing God simplifies life. Instead of juggling countless expectations, you can focus on living with purpose and intention, guided by His Word. As Philippians 4:7 reminds us, “The peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.”
Remember, God’s approval is eternal, unlike the fleeting validation of people. By choosing Him, you’re not only aligning yourself with His purpose but also stepping into a life of freedom, joy, and fulfillment.
If you’ve been struggling with people-pleasing, check out my free 5-Day People-Pleasing Detox Challenge here. Start today by asking Him to help you let go of the fear of disappointing others and to give you the courage to follow Him wholeheartedly.
